There is no way he is gay with that hair.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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