I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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