this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
4 words: hood of his car
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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