there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
