Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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