You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
