I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
