but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
