There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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