new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
