I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
