how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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