I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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