nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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