I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
