She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
