$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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