Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
