You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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