Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
