Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
