I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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