Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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