guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
