Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
