u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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