I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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