and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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