3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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