He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
