Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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