whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
