This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
