Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
