I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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