Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
