your parents love me but you hate me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
