bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
