I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
