i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
