Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
