Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i came on her dog
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
