Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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