so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I want a musical about memes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
