I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
