how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
