mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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