he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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