She said her name was "party"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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