we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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