Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize