he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
