Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
