i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're like the curious george of whores
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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