Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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