Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sext me about skeletons
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
