who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
