I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
