whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize