i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Everyone says I win the strip club
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
