what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
