just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
