I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need a beard to bite.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
