i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
someone owes me an orgasm
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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