I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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