He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
