If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize