So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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