No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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